Now, Never, and Forever
by eatsnightlockforbreakfast
Summary: The people of Panem only celebrate on three days of the year: the Summer Solstice, the Harvest Festival, and New Year's Eve. They're the only days in District 12 where both Seam and Merchant people come together. It was on one of those days, the New Year's Eve of his seventeenth year, that Peeta Mellark finally worked up the nerve to talk to Katniss Everdeen.


_Then_

_You can do this, _Peeta steels his resolve, _just go say hello_. Taking a deep breath, he marches determinedly across the square to where the object of his affections stands laughing with her little sister.

He's never been a quiet walker, and so as he approaches, her head turns curiously in his direction.

_Oh god, _she looks so beautiful up close that it makes his knees weak. "Hi, Katniss," he manages.

"Peeta," she nods, her expression guarded but intrigued.

"Um," dammit he should have thought this through better. He was so focused on making himself talk to to her that he forgot to plan what he was going to actually _say_. So he blurts the thing that's at the front of his mind, "You look really pretty tonight, not that you don't do normally, but you do, uh, look pretty."

Katniss blinks, crossing her arms over her middle self consciously. "Thank you?"

"No problem," he replies with a smile that probably looks more like a grimace.

_Now_

The music is loud, but in a good way. Its notes seem to seep through his skin and into his very being, giving him so much joy and energy that he feels like he'll explode from it. He grins at her twirling form, hoping that she feels it too.

When she falls back into his waiting arms, smiling and shining as radiant as the sun, he knows that she must.

"Your dancing skills have come a long way, Mellark," she teases playfully.

"Well, _Mellark_," he replies, bumping her nose with his, "I have a pretty good teacher."

She hums smugly before quickly pressing her lips to his and taking his hand to lead him through another dance.

_Then_

Peeta is desperately struggling to find something to say to her when she asks, "Did you want something, or…?"

"Yes!" He winces at how eager he sounds. "Well, kind of, yeah."

A beat passes and she raises an eyebrow, waiting for him to go on.

"Oh! Um, I just was wondering… I was hoping, that, uh, maybe you would want to dance with me?" _Real smooth, Mellark_.

"You can dance?" Her voice is skeptic as she shifts her weight to one side. "I've never seen you out there before."

"Of course I can dance!" He assumes an air of confidence, _fake it __'__till you make it_. But then it quickly falters, he can't lie to her. That's no way to start something with a girl. "I'm just," he rubs the back of his neck, smiles sheepishly, "not very good at it."

Instead of speaking again, Katniss looks the boy up and down. Appraising, scrutinizing… he's not really sure. Her expression his unreadable. But it has him very nervous. _This is not going well, not well at all_.

_Never_

From behind his booth he has a spectacular view of District 12's New Year's party. His father set up the bakery's stand in perfect viewing range of both the rest of the merchants' booths and the designated dancing area. Right in the middle of everything and prime for people watching.

As he runs his shift, though, the last of the night, he often finds himself staring longingly out toward his right, toward the dancers.

Maybe an hour into the festival, a small dark haired girl approaches his booth, "Hello, Mr. Mellark!"

"Hey there, Anna," he smiles warmly at her, "are you having fun?"

She leans her arms on the counter and nods, "Uhhuh!"

"So what can I do for you?"

Before she can answer, though, a woman with matching dark hair comes up behind her and scoops her up, making the smaller girl squeal. "There you are, girly! Did Daddy let you off on your own again?"

Giggling, she kisses the woman's cheek. "He said I could come get a cookie from Mr. Mellark!"

"Did he?" she lifts a dark eyebrow and glances over at him, nods in greeting. "Peeta."

"Katniss," he nods back.

_Then_

"Okay," Katniss nods, "I'll dance with you."

_Oh, thank god_. It feels as if an immense weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. He hasn't totally screwed this up yet.

With a smile, he holds out a hand, which she stares at for a moment before tentatively reaching out to take it. She glances over at her sister, who's watching the scene unfold before her with barely repressed excitement, "You'll be okay?"

"Yes, Katniss," the younger Everdeen rolls her eyes, exasperated in the way only kids her age can manage. "I want to go find Rory and some of my other friends, anyway."

Just barely Peeta can feel her hand flex in his. "Just be careful."

"I will!" Prim offers a small wave to Peeta and then locks eyes with her sister once again. "Have fun," and with that she's off, quickly lost in the large crowd around them.

Gathering his courage, Peeta gives Katniss's hand a slight squeeze. "Shall we?"

_Now_

The young couple bounces and spins around the square, too enthralled with each other to switch partners. No one seems to mind too much, though.

When the fiddlers call out that they're taking a break, Katniss lets out a deep breath. "Thank goodness."

"What?" Peeta chuckles. "Did I tire you out?"

"_I _am nowhere near tired," her eyebrows furrow, forming a playful scowl. "But my feet? Well that's another story."

Her husband's eyes light with concern. "Why didn't you tell me?"

With a roll of her eyes she replies, "Because I'm a big girl and I can deal with it. Now, I'm going to go sit down over there," she points over her right shoulder. "Get me a cheese bun?"

"Of course," Peeta leans down and kisses her softly. "Anything else?"

"Hmmm, no, that'll be fine for now."

_Then_

It doesn't take Katniss long to figure out that Peeta Mellark is an _awful_ dancer. She's bumped into him more times than she can keep track of, and he's ended up stepping on her feet more than a few times. It's not that he's not trying, because he is, earnestly, but he really just has no idea what he's doing.

"Do you wanna take a break?" she asks when he looks like he's about to have a brain aneurism from concentrating so hard.

Relief flashes across his tensed face. "Do you?"

She gives him a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, come on. We can go get a snack or something."

"That sounds nice."

After they break apart there's an awkward moment where Peeta tries to decide if he should try to take her hand or rest his on her back, but he ultimately decides against it. _Way too forward_.

"What did you want to get to eat?" he asks her as they make their way toward the food booths.

"Something small," she shrugs. From the corner of his eye he sees her hand rummage through her pocket, sees her frown. It makes his heart sink, _she's worrying about money_. On this night, one of the happiest of the year, no one should have to go without. If he gets his way, he's going to make sure that Katniss Everdeen _never_ has to count her coins again.

"Do you want something from the bakery's booth?" His fingers brush her shoulder. "You can have whatever you would like there."

Katniss stops short. Confused, he turns back to face her, and she's glaring at him. _Oh no_, he thinks_, what did I do?_

"I don't need your charity."

_Never_

"Yes!" Anna says gleefully.

"All right," Katniss sets the girl down. "Go ahead."

For a moment, Peeta lets his gaze rest on the woman before him. She shifts uncomfortably and looks away. He turns his attention to Anna. "What kind of cookie would you like?"

"Um," the girl purses her lips, considering her choice seriously. Eventually, with hopefully eyes, she asks if he has any snowflake cookies.

"Well," Peeta says with a soft breathy chuckle, "I think we just might!" He crouches down behind the counter and pulls out a box of sugar cookies that he made just that morning. Standing back up, he places it in front of her. "Take your pick!"

Anna's eyes widen. "They're so pretty!"

The baker grins at her praise. "Thank you!"

"You made these?" Katniss's voice startles him somewhat, and his eyes dart up to her from where they were focused on Anna. She's looking down, though, inspecting his cookies.

"Well yes," he shifts nervously, hands brushing the sides of his pants. "This morning, actually."

"Huh," she replies, and then slowly, she shifts her gaze to his face. "I agree. That they're pretty… The icing is really lovely."

It's the first complement that she's given him in years and his heart swells just a little. _Old crushes die hard_. "Thank you."

_Then_

"Wha- that's, that's not what I meant by it," Peeta founders, "I-I just wanted to-"

"Feed the poor girl and make yourself look good?" she snaps with arms crossed, face pinched. Her person is entirely guarded. _Shit, shit, shit._

"Not at all, Katniss!" he insists, face fallen. "I just thought you might want something special for New Year's."

She's quiet for a moment, her glare eating him alive. But eventually she speaks. "Why?"

"Why?" Peeta repeats. "Because I wanted- I wanted to do something nice for you. Because I…" he pauses for a moment. _Just tell her_, he commands himself, _it__'__s now or never_. "I like you. A lot."

And just like that, the words he's held in for twelve years are out.

The glare falls from her face and is replaced by an expression of complete and utter confusion. "What?"

"I like you Katniss," he shrugs, his face on fire, "I have for a long time."

The girl shakes her head, looks down. "That doesn't make any sense."

It's his turn to be confused. "What do you mean, it doesn't make sense?"

The words that she says next are so quiet that he has to step closer to hear them. "Why would someone like you like someone like me? It doesn't make sense, Peeta."

He considers her words for a moment, and then reaches out to gently lift her chin so that she's looking at him. "You mean why would a Merchant like someone from the Seam? You could always ask your mom," he tells her, "but that, where you grew up, it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't make you any less magnificent."

A humorless laugh puffs from her nose, "I'm not magnificent."

_Now_

Finding an empty bench doesn't take very long, thankfully. Most people are up and mingling or browsing the booths. It's late, close to midnight, a time too exciting to sit down.

Katniss smiles warmly out at her town. For once it feels as if everything is going to be okay. Her sister has just started an apprenticeship with the apothecary in town, and is staying in a little apartment with their mother. She's married to the most loving man in the district and adores him with all her heart. They have a good life together. It's stable, happy.

Her hand inevitably finds its way to her stomach. Their baby is never going to have to struggle like she did. _Never_.

"Here you go, Kat," Peeta holds out a brown paper bag and she jumps in her seat. It's one of the rare times that he has ever managed to sneak up on her. She was too lost in thought to even hear him coming. "I even got them warmed for you."

With a smile she takes the proffered bag. "Thank you."

"No problem," he sits down and wraps an arm around her. "How're you guys doing?"

"Good," Katniss laughs. "I think all our dancing got the baby excited, though."

Peeta's eyes light up like a Seam kid who's just been offered candy. "Is it moving?"

"Uhhuh," she takes his free hand and presses it to her belly. "Here."

There is a soft nudge under his palm and he sighs. "That'll never not be amazing."

Peeta is going to be a good dad. She's going to try her best to be a good mother.

She kisses his forehead and then takes out a cheese bun, unable to resist the greasy treat any longer.

_T__hen_

Of course she doesn't think she is. "You have no idea, Katniss," Peeta replies softly, "no idea at all." He pauses to sort out his next words, wanting to get them exactly right. "I knew it from the very first time I heard you sing."

He recounts their first day of school, the things his dad told him, what she wore, and how she had her hair in two braids. "In music assembly when they asked if anyone knew The Valley Song your hand shot right up. When you sang the birds stopped to listen…" he trails off, lost in the memory, "it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I've been a goner ever since."

"Well that's a detailed memory," she eventually offers in reply.

"It's a hard thing to forget," Peeta shrugs. "I know, Katniss, that you are strong and brave and that you don't let anyone walk on you or pity you. I've never come across anyone that I've wanted to know more than I want to know you."

"You'd be the first to think that," Katniss lets one of her arms fall to the side, her other hand gripping its elbow.

"Don't be too sure about that." _Why can__'__t she just understand?_

She shakes her head. "Whatever."

Boldly, he takes her free hand. "So what do you say, Katniss, will you let me know you?"

She stares at him like a startled animal. One moment passes, an another, and to him it feels like an eternity.

Around them, the town starts to count down to midnight and Katniss yanks her hand from his. "I-I have to go find my sister."

_Never_

"Do you want one too?" he offers after a moment. "We close up pretty soon, just a little after midnight, and there are more than enough left." _She's going to refuse_, he thinks. _Why did I even offer?_

But she surprises him and takes his offer, reaching in to take a green iced snowflake with a soft thank you after Anna takes a purple one.

"What do you say?" She asks the little girl that looks so much like her.

"Thank you, Mr. Mellark!" Anna grins up at him so brightly that he can't help but return it in kind. This is a truly happy moment.

He doesn't get a lot of those these days.

"It was my pleasure," he tells them both. "Have a wonderful New Year, girls."

And then Katniss smiles at him. Soft and small but completely real. "You too, Peeta. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year!" Anna shouts excitedly with a jump.

The smile then gets directed at the younger girl. "Why don't we go find Mommy and Daddy for midnight?"

"Yes!" Anna takes a bite of her cookie and then grabs Katniss's hand and tugs. "Come on, Auntie Katniss, let's go."

After sparing one last glance at him, Katniss let's her niece tug her away.

Peeta likes to think that there is some other version of his life where things worked out with Katniss Everdeen. One where she didn't leave him standing alone at midnight.

Sometimes he even likes to think that there's still a chance for them.

_Then_

Katniss finds Prim with none other than Rory Hawthorne. There are only thirty seconds left in the year.

"What are you doing here?" the younger Everdeen yells over the countdown as her sister approaches.

"Bringing in the New Year with my sister," her reply is matter of fact. _Obviously, where else would I be?_

"Oh no you're not." Prim pushes her back in the direction she came from. "Go be with Peeta!"

"Wha-" she tries to refuse, to stay in her place.

"No! Don't throw away something good just because you're scared, Katniss. He obviously really likes you!" _Wait, Prim _knew? How? "Go! Go Katniss!"

Ten seconds left.

Faster than she's ever run inside the fence, Katniss bolts for where she left Peeta.

He hasn't budged. But is his face is scrunched up, frustrated or sad or both she can't tell. She did that.

"Peeta!" Katniss yells as everyone around her choruses, "Happy New Year!"

"Peeta!" she shouts again as she finally reaches him, grabbing his shoulders as she nearly crashes into him. His hands grab her waist, steady her.

"Katniss?" He thought he lost her. Thought he lost his chance to win her over.

"I'll allow it," she says quickly, breathlessly.

"What?" He's so confused. _What is she doing? Why is she back?_

"You can know me," the words are insistent. _You can know me_. Their meaning has barely registered when she presses her lips to his.

_Katniss Everdeen is kissing me_. It's everything that he's imagined and more.

When she pulls away she smiles. "Happy New Year, Peeta."

_Now_

"I can't wait until next year," Peeta's hand slides over to her side, "when the baby will be here with us."

"Me either," she replies putting the empty bag to the side and resting her head on his shoulder. "We might have to go home early, though. I don't know if a ten month old should stay out that late."

"That'd be fine," her husband considers. Then, squeezing her side suggestively he whispers in ear, "We can just celebrate another way."

"Mmm," Katniss laughs, "I'd be all for that."

"Good," he sniffs her hair and then rests his head on hers, "then it's a plan."

His words make Katniss laugh again and he cherishes the sound. The moment. He has the love of his life in his arms who's pregnant with his child and blissfully happy. It doesn't get much better than this.

Every New Year they spend together is special in it's own way, but this one will definitely be up there as one of the best.

"I love you, Katniss," he tells her.

She looks up, cups his jaw. "And I love you."

When midnight comes he tries to show her with his kiss how amazing the night has been, how happy and in love he is.

Then, briefly, oddly, their first kiss flashes through his mind. But he realizes, though, that everything that they have is that kiss. There was no them before, and only them after. It decided everything.

It's still happening, really, that kiss. Their world is wrapped up in it, every possibility of them. And he is so thankful,_ so so _thankful, that he gets to live in its forever.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for reading and have a wonderful New Year! You can find me on tumblr as hanginghope :)<strong>


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